Cindy's Blog #2

Click here to watch Cindy's TV episode

Is cherry picking OK?

Wendy, Mel and Kelly made some great suggestions. But still, I am uneasy. I feel a bit like I’m ‘cherry picking’. And maybe that’s ok. Let me explain. Cherry picking is when you take some parts of a lesson or situation and use it and ignore the rest. Usually, the parts you pick are the easier, more comfortable, less risky things. When you cherry pick, you avoid doing some things that might be just the right thing to do. In my situation, I paid a marketing expert a lot of money to teach me how to market my group coaching programs successfully. Now I’m thinking, who am I to not USE the information I paid her to give me? Can I be successful, taking bits and pieces of her advice and discarding the rest? It reminds me of the following story...

There was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him. 
Jim said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me." 
So, the man in the boat drove off. 
The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get in. 
Jim replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me." 
The person in the boat then left. 
The water rose even more, and Jim climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Jim to climb up the ladder and get in. 
Jim said, "That's okay." 
The woman said, "Are you sure?" 
Jim replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me." 
Finally, the water rose too high and Jim drowned. Jim got to heaven and was face-to-face with God. 
Jim said to God, "You told me that you would take care of me! What happened?" 
God replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

I think the answer is that I need to follow the expert’s advice but be sure that I write in my own voice! And, it just occurred to me that I need to be sure to use other methods besides just mailing to my current list to spread the word about my program.

I’m still holding on to the fear that I won’t have at least 5 participants!

I’m realizing that actually clarifying my fear is not easy. What am I REALLY afraid of? Other’s judgments? Who will know? My own self judgment? Hmmm....

Cindy's Blog #1

It's All About the Fear.
See and hear me talk about my fear.

Fear. I’m a coach. I support people to blast through their fears in order to make the changes they want to make, be their best selves and fulfill their dreams. And, I’m pretty good at it. So, as an ‘expert’, I have this expectation that I’m not supposed to feel fear myself. But I do. I guess it’s true what they say… ‘we teach what we most need to learn.’

Sometimes it feels like fear owns me. I’m afraid of a lot of things… I’m afraid of being outside alone in the dark, I’m afraid of my kids getting hurt or worse, I’m afraid of what others will think, I’m afraid of others being angry with me, I’m afraid of failure, I’m afraid of success… you get the picture. And, I’m really afraid that people will find out how afraid I am. Well, I guess I just let that cat out of the proverbial bag!

So, I’m going to blog about my fear here over the next month in order to see what happens when I express my fears in the hope that readers will offer their thoughts and experiences and advice and in the hope that in sharing them, I can ‘right-size’ them.

So, here’s a very real fear that I am feeling right now. I am running an awesome group coaching program beginning in September. I know it is awesome because I have run it before and the feedback was all really positive. But I’m afraid that I won’t do the right things to market and fill it and when the day comes to kick it off, I’ll be talking to myself. Last time I ran it with only 2 people. It was great but it was small. Marketing experts have a whole long strategy for how to market online and it just doesn’t feel authentic and comfortable to me. So, I don’t want to do it the way they say… bombarding people with frequent email messages, long emails describing the readers pain so that they want to register to get relief, tweeting several times a day to draw attention and traffic to my registration page. I just want to send out a gentle, sincere invitation and explanation of the program and have people say, “Wow, that sounds great. I could really benefit from that and I like Cindy’s style. I think I’ll sign up.”

So here’s where fear creeps in. I’m afraid if I don’t ‘follow the rules’ set out by the marketing pros (some of whom I’ve paid significant sums of money to learn from) I won’t be successful filling the group. But, if I do, I will annoy people, come across as insincere and like a used car saleswoman, and I won’t fill the group that way either. So, fear has me paralyzed. I find myself thinking about it a lot and doing nothing.

Sound familiar? What do you think I should do?

See my episode on fear on Wake up with Wendy TV.

Donna's Final Blog Post

Well, I want to thank you for your comments and for the opportunity to “blog”. A first for me! I continue my journey and have appreciated, and will continue to appreciate all of the fabulous support I have in my life. I have truly realized that this is a life journey. The food, exercise, self image, mind control, etc. is all part of it. It is a discovery of who I am today and who I want to be in the future. I am so appreciative of this journey and continue to learn each step of the way.

As this is my final blog for now (new month – new guest at The Magic Parties), I would like to leave you with a few thoughts. First, if you are contemplating a weight loss journey, believe in yourself and get the support and program you need to make it happen. I know you may have failed at it before but look at those failures as learning experiences – a speaker I heard once said something like, “Recognize that what your great success was, was how to gain weight and stay alive and involved in your life.” Now you can make a new success. Go easy on yourself. A more practical thought is to weigh yourself regularly. Don’t let your brain get in the way (or weigh J). Stay on top of things. Remember to set the boundaries and make clear requests of the people you love to support and to let you know (the way you ask them to) when things look as though they are a bit out of control. Lastly, don’t go it alone. Whatever your faith may be, call on your higher power, your Heavenly Father, to guide you and help you on this most important journey. He wants what is best for you as He has given you many gifts and talents. He wants you to love yourself enough to develop and embrace your many talents! God also wants us to ask for his help and guidance. I could not be on this journey without my Heavenly Father’s guidance and wisdom to keep me strong.

I would like to end with words from a song that my brother-in-law, Ron Iacopucci (Ronderosa.com) has written. I keep it posted on my computer and reflect on it daily. These words are “Make everyday a lifetime. Live for the moments that take your breath away.” May your life continue to be full of moments that take your breath away!

Donna's blog #4

Donna and her friend, "Sarah"!

Howdy friends – well it was an interesting week returning from my trip having had to make many food decisions as I shared earlier. Most recently I had some “aha” moments around both food and friends. When you take on such a large goal to lose a lot of weight over a period of time it becomes an event. When you are brave enough to share your efforts with friends and family, seeking their support, they become part of your journey – both in a good way and a bit of a challenging way. For those of you who have struggled with food and weight management, we know that it really is not about the food but around our brains! It is all the debilitating thinking that goes on, the beating ourselves up, the lack of trust in ourselves to actually attain our weight goals and then be able to maintain them, the mindset of “Oh, I blew it so I might as well blow it even more”, etc….

So let me first say, it is most important that we have the support from our friends and family and then let me say that it is also important that we set boundaries for their involvement in our food choices and weight management. In some ways, our friends/families watch us more closely, worry about our well-being, and are quick to “not trust us”. They may watch us at a gathering and think, “Oh, no, she ate this and that, I wonder if she is out of control.” That critical eye is the last thing many of us need. We are critical enough of ourselves.

I would like to share a situation that occurred with one of my most dearest friends in the world. Immediately after a social event, I received a loving call from my friend, Sarah (name changed J). Sarah is truly one of my most supportive, uplifting and loving girlfriends. We talk about everything and she knows my weight challenges well. She loves me and wants the best for me. In that loving spirit she called and asked me a question that truly gave me reason to pause. She asked me what level of support and sharing I would like from her around my weight management, particularly around sharing her concerns about my eating when we are together (my words – her essence of what I heard). I told her I needed to think on that. Of course, then my mind goes into – “wow, did she see something this evening that I didn’t?” “Am I a loser again on this front?” “I wish I never shared, that is all I need now is someone watching my every morsel and feeling like I am under a microscope.” UGGGHHHHH! The dilemma of wanting and needing support and keeping everything completely private so no one can have an opinion! J

One of the things Sarah shared was that she was surprised to see me have a sliver of cake at a girlfriend gathering (so I did have a sliver of cake). What I shared was that I am learning some great things on my program. It was not the sliver of cake that would be my problem. It would be the meaning I would attach to having that sliver. Would it then go into, “I failed”, “I have no control so I might as well blow my whole program” and then keep going on eating binges. An emotional eating counselor from my program shared that how she wants us to handle these decisions, is more that “I made this decision to eat X, it is okay, it is not going to set me off, I am in charge of my own decisions, no obsessing over it, let it go…. Get back on track immediately…” That is what I had done until I heard from Sarah. Though I knew it came from a loving heart, I heard it as “I don’t trust you….I think you could easily gain it all back……I love you and need to stop you from hurting yourself…” My rational mind said – she just loves you and wants to help you.

So, after much thought, I think I am realizing that making my needs clear is what I need to do for those people who love me and support me on my weight loss journey. So for those of you who read this and love me here is what I need -----

What I need is tons of positive support, ideas for making it work in my life. If, which I am committed to not having this happen, I begin to gain weight back and look as though I am eating “in reckless abandonment”, please ask for a separate conversation, not connected to what I just ate but instead the bigger picture, and ask how you can support me to get back on track because you know how much my health and wellbeing means to me. Examining what I eat at each gathering with an eye and question toward “oh, should I stop her now, is this bad?” does not help me. The lack of trust makes me question my own trust in myself. I am working at managing my food. I know what I ate, my exercise, how I prepared for eating that day. What Sarah did not know, was the amount of discussion that went on in my head about every morsel that I ate at the gathering. Choices that I was actually proud of – choosing more grilled veggies, putting back some broiled potatoes so I could just have a small taste and leave some calories for cake. I knew what I could allow, I knew what I had all day, and made a conscious, though hard decision about the sliver of cake as opposed to throwing all caution to the wind and just eating.

So my advice to those who love someone who is on a weight loss journey is to love them, support them and demonstrate trust in their decisions. Recognize that there could be a time when we are weak and out of control. We need you then, too. You will see it over some time through eating and weight gain, attitude, sadness, etc.. At that point, step in with a bigger picture eye to help us get back on track before it becomes a bigger problem. The approach should be in a separate conversation, aimed at how important you know health is to us and asking how you can support us. Not about the food from that one situation.

Thank you to my friend, Sarah – for loving me so much that she wants me to lead my best life. Thank you to Sarah for making me reflect on what I really need for support. Thank you to Sarah for being the best friend anyone could ever have! Keep your friends and family close when you are on any major journey in your life. Keep the big picture in mind and continue to come from love -----and all will be well!

Donna's blog #3

Well, this week was a test in fortitude! I have been traveling on business. Client dinners each night and meals at the client sites in the day mad me quite aware of how important it is to prepare ahead of time, both mentally and physically. I used shakes during the day, which I brought. They were easy and nutritious and allowed me to stay on track. For my dinners, I chose fish, veggies and salad. One evening I treated myself to dessert – fresh strawberries (you thought I caved, huh?). I was proud of myself but also realized something very important. Mentally, I am not ready to make all the choices yet. Old emotions, habits, and thinking crept in. For a split second, I thought, “Oh, how much would it hurt to have a real dessert with my client – we are celebrating!” NOTTTTTT!!!!! Food does not need to be my reward. Still have much work on the mental side of things but I am feeling great. I wore business clothes that I had not worn in years ….and they were loose! Looking in the mirror, there were times I didn’t recognize myself. Still a long way to go but moving along…..

With the tests of this week, I was reminded of a quote I heard a diet program in my past that has stuck with me – “Nothing tastes as good as being thin and fit feels!”

With that, I wish all a great week! Any exercise tips are appreciated!

Warmly,
Donna

Your Next Bold Move

Today, I am creating our Magic Parties summer retreat. The topic is 9 Steps to Creating Your Next Bold Move. I am very curious as to why sometimes we are able to make bold moves in our lives and other times we are simply frozen stiff and not able to move at all. Those of us who are in a transition place in our lives are ready to create what's next, the next steps in our career or work, or to create something on the personal front where we feel we can make a bigger deeper difference. What better way than to figure out what our next move is going to look like? Did you know that when you don't get what you want, it is not because you need to clarify your vision, or increase your commitment. No. No. No. The place to look is in the current reality of what you are doing, thinking, saying and feeling. I am excited about coming up with a process to help people figure out this transition from the same old same old to loving something they are creating in their lives that they are over the top excited about. Imagine, waking up every day excited and joyful at the prospect of the day ahead.

Back to work for me. Creating is so much fun. Especially when it changes people's lives. How great is my job!?
p.s. I still have 3 openings left at our summer retreat if you think you might want to come.
p.s.s. What does this pic of me on the beach have anything to do with making a bold move? It reminds me of what it took and what steps were required in order to make this bold move of traveling to Hawaii a reality.

Donna's blog entry #2

I just returned from my wellness program. My program includes a meeting with a nurse, nutritionist, and doctor and then a class meeting with the rest of the group working toward wellness and weight management with me. The topic tonight was stress. How do we handle it in a more positive way instead of eating. The ideas were great and I especially loved an insight shared from a new friend in the program, Mary. She is seeing an “emotional eating” counselor. I spoke about my addiction to food and she stopped me and said that her counselor told her that in an effort to build a more healthy relationship with food, we should not refer to ourselves as addicts. Instead, we are passionate about food but are even more passionate about great health and wellness. I really liked that comment! Here is to my passion for health!!!

I had a great weight loss this week but was feeling a bit disappointed in myself around exercise. The nurse and nutritionist advised that I am doing great with the weight loss but the real key to keeping it off and maintaining a healthy lifestyle is regular exercise – planned and consistent. I know it and I am having such a hard time fitting it into an already very busy day! Two boys (11 & 13), full time job, husband, home, church activities, great friends, and sometimes just too much to fit in exercise!! I am setting my goal this week to do something exercise related at least 5 days this week. It is truly my weakness. I do not want to lose weight and then gain it back – I am done with fat and into healthy – so I really need advice and help to make exercise my regular thing!! Thanks for any thoughts you might have……