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Is cherry picking OK?
Wendy, Mel and Kelly made some great suggestions. But still, I am uneasy. I feel a bit like I’m ‘cherry picking’. And maybe that’s ok. Let me explain. Cherry picking is when you take some parts of a lesson or situation and use it and ignore the rest. Usually, the parts you pick are the easier, more comfortable, less risky things. When you cherry pick, you avoid doing some things that might be just the right thing to do. In my situation, I paid a marketing expert a lot of money to teach me how to market my group coaching programs successfully. Now I’m thinking, who am I to not USE the information I paid her to give me? Can I be successful, taking bits and pieces of her advice and discarding the rest? It reminds me of the following story...
There was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him. Jim said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me." So, the man in the boat drove off. The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get in. Jim replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me." The person in the boat then left. The water rose even more, and Jim climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Jim to climb up the ladder and get in. Jim said, "That's okay." The woman said, "Are you sure?" Jim replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me." Finally, the water rose too high and Jim drowned. Jim got to heaven and was face-to-face with God. Jim said to God, "You told me that you would take care of me! What happened?" God replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"
I think the answer is that I need to follow the expert’s advice but be sure that I write in my own voice! And, it just occurred to me that I need to be sure to use other methods besides just mailing to my current list to spread the word about my program.
I’m still holding on to the fear that I won’t have at least 5 participants!
I’m realizing that actually clarifying my fear is not easy. What am I REALLY afraid of? Other’s judgments? Who will know? My own self judgment? Hmmm....
5 comments:
Cindy, our friend Wynne sent me Sonya Hamlin's most recent blog post. Sonja is an Emmy Award winning TV host many times. I thought it was perfect for your question about fear and what to do...
This blog-voice has been quiet for a few weeks (so unlike me!) but I was hardly silent during that time. I was acting in a wonderful new play, off- Broadway, as part of adding career number 10 – acting – to the others I’ve created in my continuous quest for self-expression and making a difference.
So this blog post is all about what happens when you launch yourself into the stratosphere of a new career. And I hope that it helps you try something new yourself.
The single most important surprise is the depth of the new territory and how much there is to learn. When was the last time you started learning something very deep and very new? Don’t you think that as we grow deeper into the years of our lives, we kind of find comfort levels in what we already know and we don’t face the challenge of new learning very often?
Well, here’s how it felt to go into new territory: I began building the character I was playing based on my small amount of past formal training, my greater amount of experience and my highly developed performer instincts. But my director confronted me with “Why does she say this here?” “What in her past created this reaction?” “ Would she really be this nice here? Why?” So I found myself articulating answers I just had inside without ever knowing that I did, forcing myself to go into greater depths and think through so many aspects of her life in order to arrive at how I’d play each scene. And I discovered that I really could do that…
I also scared myself to death, thinking, “What have you done? Maybe you can’t memorize 48 pages of mainly you talking (I was the star of the show…) And there you’ll be, with your bare face hanging out!” That voice of self-doubt almost did me in as, true to a self-fulfilling prophecy, I did blank out totally in our first full-play rehearsal! The panic! The terror! The picture of me standing onstage with a full audience like an idiot and going blank! Did I ever reach out to friends to come and read lines with me endlessly till I convinced myself that I really DID know the whole thing. Oh, what agony!
So- taking on a new career meant conquering that self- doubt, that fear. Confronting that voice that seems to be alive and well in all of us, ready to rise up and squash our dreams at a moment’s notice. Talking back to that destructive spirit, challenging it and finding a way to hold your own and prevail. To believe you can. That you will. And to finally allow yourself the joy of the experience. What new skills! What a new view of myself!
I’ve written this to help you all dare to stick the big toe in some new, very cold water. Although what you don’t know can scare you, you can screw up your courage to try, to dare to learn and explore. Don’t let the insecurity of being out of the old familiar comfort zones make you turn back. Swallow hard, plant your feet and fight! Fight for a new adventure—and what new corners of yourself you can explore and grow with. Find yourself in a whole new role, reacting and adjusting in totally new ways. Discover who else you are and can be— this is such a deeply rewarding venture. Try it! One big toe. Very cold water. See what happens…
Cindy, our friend Wynne sent me Sonya Hamlin's most recent blog post. Sonja is an Emmy Award winning TV host many times. I thought it was perfect for your question about fear and what to do..." I was acting in a wonderful new play. This blog post is about what happens when you launch yourself into the stratosphere of a new career.
The single most important surprise is the depth of the new territory and how much there is to learn. When was the last time you started learning something very deep and very new? Don’t you think that as we grow deeper into the years of our lives, we kind of find comfort levels in what we already know and we don’t face the challenge of new learning very often?
Well, here’s how it felt to go into new territory: I began building the character I was playing based on my small amount of past formal training, my greater amount of experience and my highly developed performer instincts. But my director confronted me with “Why does she say this here?” “What in her past created this reaction?” “ Would she really be this nice here? Why?” So I found myself articulating answers I just had inside without ever knowing that I did, forcing myself to go into greater depths and think through so many aspects of her life in order to arrive at how I’d play each scene. And I discovered that I really could do that…
I also scared myself to death, thinking, “What have you done? Maybe you can’t memorize 48 pages of mainly you talking (I was the star of the show…) And there you’ll be, with your bare face hanging out!” That voice of self-doubt almost did me in as, true to a self-fulfilling prophecy, I did blank out totally in our first full-play rehearsal! The panic! The terror! The picture of me standing onstage with a full audience like an idiot and going blank! Did I ever reach out to friends to come and read lines with me endlessly till I convinced myself that I really DID know the whole thing. Oh, what agony!
So- taking on a new career meant conquering that self- doubt, that fear. Confronting that voice that seems to be alive and well in all of us, ready to rise up and squash our dreams at a moment’s notice. Talking back to that destructive spirit, challenging it and finding a way to hold your own and prevail. To believe you can. That you will. And to finally allow yourself the joy of the experience. What new skills! What a new view of myself!
I’ve written this to help you all dare to stick the big toe in some new, very cold water. Although what you don’t know can scare you, you can screw up your courage to try, to dare to learn and explore. Don’t let the insecurity of being out of the old familiar comfort zones make you turn back. Swallow hard, plant your feet and fight! Fight for a new adventure—and what new corners of yourself you can explore and grow with. Find yourself in a whole new role, reacting and adjusting in totally new ways. Discover who else you are and can be— this is such a deeply rewarding venture. Try it! One big toe. Very cold water. See what happens…
Cindy, our friend Wynne sent me a link to Sonya Hamlin's most recent blog post, called Reading Between the Lines. Sonja is an Emmy Award winning TV host many times. I thought it was perfect for your question about fear and what to do...
http://sonyahamlin.wordpress.com/
The part i love the best is this part....
I’ve written this to help you all dare to stick the big toe in some new, very cold water. Although what you don’t know can scare you, you can screw up your courage to try, to dare to learn and explore. Don’t let the insecurity of being out of the old familiar comfort zones make you turn back. Swallow hard, plant your feet and fight! Fight for a new adventure—and what new corners of yourself you can explore and grow with. Find yourself in a whole new role, reacting and adjusting in totally new ways. Discover who else you are and can be— this is such a deeply rewarding venture. Try it! One big toe. Very cold water. See what happens…
Cindy, I love this topic! My question is what is the difference between not doing something that would really benefit me because I'm uncomfortable or afraid, versus not doing something because my inner voice is saying that it really isn't the right path for you?
For example, when I started my coaching business I was advised to have a newsletter (this was 8 years ago, so the latest advice would probably be blog and twitter feed). I did it, but I never liked it. I never felt authentic. And I was afraid that if I really said what I wanted (spiritual insights) my executive clients would be put off. So I stopped doing it. Did I stop something good because I was afraid, or was I listening to my inner voice? Actually probably both! Writing that newsletter wasn't the right path for me. My inner voice knew it. There was no spark behind the discomfort and fear. But saying spiritual things that leaders can hear was calling to me - and the fear was a clue to that.
Here is a question I ask myself (and my clients). Feel the fear or discomfort and ask yourself is there an opening a spark within this fear? Find the spark of that excitement and find a way to focus on that.
Today I'm writing a book that is very spiritual and targeted at my executive coaching clients! It took time but remember, whatever is in our hearts to do or share is not diminished by fear, we don't lose it, it is always there waiting to be expressed.
-K
Cindy, just a small suggestion with big possibilities: Picture yourself with twenty participants and run through your program in your mind with them engaged and happy. FEEL how confident and comfortable you are. Feel the joy rising in you as you great and acknowledge each participant. Look in their eyes and feel appreciation for their presence and commitment to the work you offer. Do this for fifteen minutes everyday to attract a full house!
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